Since returning from France, I’ve found it
kind of very incredibly difficult to hop back on the high speed train that was my daily life before I had left 12 days earlier. In France I unplugged from almost everything in order to REALLY be present and appreciate everything around me. As soon as I returned, everything came flooding right back at me like a tsunami. Everyone needed something and they needed right away. Not that there’s anything wrong with that because they all patiently waited until I had returned. There were deadlines, due dates, urgencies, doctor appointments, meetings, and the daily demands of raising three small kids, having a full-time job and selling/buying a house. Then, to throw me into even more of a tailspin, tragedies of various levels continued to pile up daily affecting people my husband and I really cared about.
I was stopped, blocked, waiting on the platform. I could see that high speed training streaming by, car by car and I couldn’t help but think: “When is the right time to jump back on? Which car should I take? Will it stop and I can just step back on calmly before it takes off again?”
Instead, I walked back into the train station and made a conscious decision to move inward. Me. That’s where I needed to start. I began this year with two goals: work on my art (creating), and start running. So I started over.
I sat with my daughters as they drew and painted in my mini studio and built on their calm creativity and started, slowly, painting again. Ideas started to generate, and soon I was back to excitedly thinking up millions of ideas of new things I wanted to try. My creative passion was back.
I hung my Couch to Half Marathon training sheet back on the fridge and made a plan with my husband to start again, together, and to motivate each other. And we began, no judgement, no pressure.
Today, on my morning run my left shin started to hurt, REALLY REALLY bad one mile in. I walked the second mile back to the house. Took a shower and just stood there. Now what? The universe is obviously telling me something, but what is it?
Maybe my focus isn’t where it’s supposed to be. Yes, I have a 10k at the end of August that I need to train for. Yes, I DEFINITELY need to train. But now, shin splints? Really?!
Patiently, and calmly I looked all around me. My eyes landed on some magazines a good friend had donated for my art projects with my girls. I knew instantly. My heart started to beat faster. Yup, this was it. It was time to bring out the scissors and start making a board of intentions. I had done this a year ago with Melody Ross of Brave Girls in one of her courses. As I moved into my intentions last year, I started to paint over that board. It was time to make a new one. New year, new me, new intentions.
I’ll eventually settle back onto that high speed train, I have to. But for now, I’m going to do more reflection and decide exactly where I want that train to take me. I’m going to be the driver, not the passenger.